I’d seen this quote around, but someone asked me about it on Twitter yesterday, which prompted me to write it up. Although it’s quoted all over the internet, and in at least one book, as being the words of the Buddha.
“In the end these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?” is not a scriptural quotation, and is instead from Jack Kornfield’s lovely book from 1994, Buddha’s Little Instruction Book (page 85).
It’s a great book, and I’d highly recommend it. Some of the quotes are based on material from the suttas, but usually re-written, and most of the material seems to be Jack’s own thoughts.
Unfortunately, people tend to assume that a book called “Buddha’s Little Instruction Book” is a collection of quotes from the Buddha. There are several FBQ’s in this blog that come from it. But as the blurb to the book explains,
For this small handbook, a well-known American Buddhist and psychologist has distilled and adapted an ancient teaching for the needs of contemporary life. (Emphasis added.)
Some of the quotes in BLIB are Jack’s own words. Others are his adaptations of quotes he’s picked up along the way from other teachers and writers. A few may be actual scriptural quotes.
Jack may have modeled this saying on a passage in Danielle Marie’s 1992 book, Straight From the Heart: Authors, Celebrities & Others Share Their Philosophies on Making a Difference in the World:
I have an image that one day when our lives on earth end, we ascend to a higher plane of existence and are interviewed by God. I don’t believe that God would ask each of us, “How much money did you gross in 1992?” or “How many cars did you own?” or “Did you ever get rid of all the cellulite?” I imagine that God would ask, “How well did you love? How much joy did you create in the people around you?
How much did you love and appreciate yourself, your body, and your own special gift? How many hearts did you touch?”
That’s what making a difference means. It means asking yourself daily, “How well did I love?” Then you become someone who is contributing your own gift to our planet.
(page 95)
This chapter in the book was written by Barbara de Angelis, who Wikipedia tells me “is an American relationship consultant, lecturer and author, TV personality, relationship, personal growth adviser and spiritual teacher.” She’s apparently known as “The Love Doctor.”
The similarity may be a coincidence, however.
Giveaways that this is not a genuine quote from the scriptures? The whole thing is too neat compared to the rather repetitive language used in most of the Pali canon, the Buddha isn’t recorded talked in terms of how fully people lived their lives, or how well they loved — these are rather contemporary idioms — and although the language of “letting go” is used in the canon, it’s rather rare. When added to the two other, more modern expressions of “loving well” and “living fully,” the whole suggests a contemporary and western rather than an ancient and Indian source.
Jack studied under Ajahn Chah
so if i were to paraphrase this quote for an essay, who should i give credit/ cite to?
I think it should be Jack Kornfield, Camille.
I just stumbled on a quote very much like this is Ezra Bayda’s _Aging for Beginners_. Bayda, a well-known Zen teacher, does not exactly give this quotation as the words of the Buddha. Here is what he says: “There is another useful teaching, oten attrtibuted to the Buddha, that we can use as a guiding principle: ‘In the end this is what matters most: How well did you love?’” (Kindle edition, loc 266. It’s in chapter two.)
I just used the “often attributed to” rick in a piece of writing, although I did mention that the quote in question certainly wasn’t by the author it was attributed to. I’d have hoped that Wisdom would have pushed for a better citation in this case.
Thanks for this information. Because I have also read it as a Buddha quote.
While it may not be an actual buddaha quote, i say still a good quote of insperation, who care’s who or where or how it came to be it is if nothing else a strongly positive quote if one chooses to view it as such. Just my thoughts
Hi, David.
Whether a quote is inspiring or not is one thing. Whether it’s properly attributed is another. In the case of a false attribution to the Buddha, the true author is deprived of credit for his or her words, the message of the Buddha may be distorted (sometimes seriously), confusion about what the Buddha taught spreads, and inaccurate information proliferates.
Is there a problem with correctly attributing quotes? Are you actively against correct attributions? Do you prefer that people have access to accurate information, or do you think people being misled is just fine?
For myself, I go along with Einstein when he said, “Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted in important affairs.” I also adhere to the principle that “truth is better than bullshit.” And so I try to separate one of those from the other.
All the best,
Bodhipaksa